Remembering the Familiar and Embracing the New

couple sitting on bench
Photo by Wendy Wei on

So what happens when you are truly unhappy. Well, you can sit and dwell in the depths of unhappy and become depressed. Eventually, and what I realised is somehow I have to keep going – my children depend on me.

One thing that we changed – on request of my daughter, was to change schools. We found out only too late that my daughter’s teacher last year had bullied her – she had bullied many children. My daughter’s major problem is that the school knew about it and did nothing. So she made the mature argument that the problem is bigger than the teacher but a school problem.  Many times I attended the school and found it to not putting the children’s safety first. I wont name the school – but say that with our new school we are very pleased. We had no clue how much this has changed our lives. They actually do what they say they stand by! You don’t have to come with buckets of proof that your child was bullied by a child that day, they actually handle problems properly and put safety first. For the first time in years, I don’t have anxiety about taking my children to school. I mention this change because I think that there are times where we think we are in the best situation possible, so we put up with some really unhealthy things – only for those things to become the normal.

Only when you find out there are other ways to do things, and there are better options can you raise the standards of now only what you should expect of others but what you expect from yourself.

Our area of the world it is difficult to find a job. It’s hardly what you know but who you know. I have applied to so many jobs and the only ones I have ever gotten in our state is ones where a friend works at the company. It’s unfortunate and difficult but widely known by outsiders that connections are needed. So another wonderful change was – a friend helped me get a job. We desperately needed a change in funds (we are technically living below the poverty line) as we have been assisted by relatives with keeping our heads above water. My husband and I are very independent people so you can imagine how mentally painful this is, as it’s been going on for a couple of years now. We now have hope that we may be able to support ourselves very soon and raise our standard of living. You can see though that there are definitely some contributors to the depression I mentioned in yesterday’s post.

Finally, with some hope giving me some wind in my wings – I have been trying to find myself again – and books were a huge part of that. My friends often would ask me for recommendations and so now I want to start an online book club on this blog. As I can’t buy books anymore, we have been living off of the library for books and videos. I have a challenge to read a book from each shelf (of the library)… so that I read a wide variety as I don’t like just reading one or two authors but discovering new ones. SO I hope you will enjoy this.

I also know getting out of the house is a big deal to help combat depression and plan on spending more time outdoors and being present with nature. So I plan on also incorporating this into this blog.

I do have physical energy now that it has been one year since the spleen shrinkage. SO I plan on taking advantage of this.

SO even though there have been some difficulties – I am either making changes where I can or finding my passions again.

If you feel stuck, I recommend taking inventory of what is working, what isn’t working, and what you can change and what you need to keep in your life.

There is a way to regain control.


Anxiety about returning to school:


My sensory son returns to school on Monday, starting Grade 3, and with most children who have sensory problems, he has a lot of anxiety about it. We have a new Occupational Therapist who hasn’t quite gained his full trust yet, so he did not express all of his concerns to her in our introductory session.

With his previous OT she had him write out a list of things he’s excited about and things he’s worried about when returning to school. Most of them are the usual things that a child may be worried about: New Teacher and different students. Some things he is excited about is that he has his cousin in his class, and he is also excited to get to know the new teacher even though he’s worried about it too. He was so attached to his grade 2 teacher that when we had spring break last year, he had to message her – a lot…. and being the amazing teacher she is, she still responded (on her break)!!

As he is extra sensitive to sound, he has been put with a teacher this year that has a reputation for never yelling (how on earth does she teach so many children without yelling?).

I find though, that I have more anxiety than he does. For one, I know he doesn’t get invited to Birthdays (even though he’s great at birthdays, there are few parents willing to risk it), thinking he’s going to have a meltdown. He’s actually a pretty awesome guest because he gets really excited for others opening up their presents… and does anything he can to make the birthday child feel extra special. I also know there is one child that says if any other child plays with my son, that they aren’t in his group… so some children are pressured to not play with my son. This breaks my heart.

The sad part is, my son is a super loyal child who is very protective of his friends but has meltdowns every once in a while when noises get too loud, or too bright, or he is teased. He is working on these meltdowns but my anxiety is that there are parents out there that don’t teach their children how to include children with differences. I have a child that not only has to deal with not being able to control how much the noises hurt him or the lights hurt him, but also that he is rejected for something he can’t control.
The great thing is that most parents and teachers, and OTs and any other staff member that works with him tell me how he has such incredible skills of caring for others and brightening up their day. I also know that there are a few children that do look out for him, who have purposely been put in his class.

So we are returning back to school, and my son has so many tools to help him, his ankle weights, his special wedge pillow to help him sit still, weighted blanket, noise cancellation headphones, a cold smooth stone to hold – but  there is no one who has more anxiety than me, the parent. I am not sure what tools I should use for ME but I am hoping that this year will be better than the previous years, and that maybe he will be included a little more this year.  Sometimes when you have a child like this… you are thankful for something as small as your child finding a friend.