Thankful Day 5

 

So I am on day 5 of writing two things that I am thankful for and already my mind feels like it’s benefitting and changing. I notice things that I would normally feel frustrated or worried about seems a lot more doable.
One thing that has benefitted from all this thankfulness is I felt for the first time in 15 years like I could clean my closet. I unfortunately didn’t take any before photos as I didn’t think I would have the energy to finish and I thought I was just doing a small corner. The more I got into my closet the more I felt so happy that I was throwing old things out. I can actually see what clothes fit me (as you can see, I have a lot of pink things). I haven’t seen the floor of that closet in so long. It was nasty and dusty but I kept going.

One thing I have noticed in is that clutter (which we have a lot of) does in fact cause a lot of anxiety and depression. The other thing that studies have found is that there is a direct correlation to clutter and weight gain. Weight is the other thing I am working on and hopefully I have burned a few calories working on throwing things out.

Currently, as I am typing this – we have two electricians putting in air conditioning into our house. Our house is a mess with things moved everywhere as the electricians are getting into it. It is comforting that one thing I have NEVER EVER worked on fully cleaning – my closet is clean. I cannot stress enough how exciting it is to see the floor in my closet. 15 years people! I know that sounds horrible but when you realise that most of your life you are “coping” with health issues and depression and etc… so much, including your closet can be overwhelming. However, making these changes and decluttering really can decrease that stress. It’s a bit of a catch 22.
Anyway, I did not talk to my stuff like Marie Kondo suggests but I did mentally say goodbye to it all and tell myself “It has served it’s purpose”.

Anyway, if you haven’t noticed already my two things I am thankful for is:

  1. Feeling capable and not overwhelmed when cleaning something that seemed like a big task for me in the past.
  2. organised shoes in my closet.

I’m sure tomorrow I will be thankful for the air conditioning/heaters being installed currently but that’s another post for tomorrow.

If you need inspiration to tidy and clean here are a few people who help:

All things Marie Kondo

Shannon Lush and Jennifer Fleming cleaning tips

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Remembering the Familiar and Embracing the New

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So what happens when you are truly unhappy. Well, you can sit and dwell in the depths of unhappy and become depressed. Eventually, and what I realised is somehow I have to keep going – my children depend on me.

One thing that we changed – on request of my daughter, was to change schools. We found out only too late that my daughter’s teacher last year had bullied her – she had bullied many children. My daughter’s major problem is that the school knew about it and did nothing. So she made the mature argument that the problem is bigger than the teacher but a school problem.  Many times I attended the school and found it to not putting the children’s safety first. I wont name the school – but say that with our new school we are very pleased. We had no clue how much this has changed our lives. They actually do what they say they stand by! You don’t have to come with buckets of proof that your child was bullied by a child that day, they actually handle problems properly and put safety first. For the first time in years, I don’t have anxiety about taking my children to school. I mention this change because I think that there are times where we think we are in the best situation possible, so we put up with some really unhealthy things – only for those things to become the normal.

Only when you find out there are other ways to do things, and there are better options can you raise the standards of now only what you should expect of others but what you expect from yourself.

Our area of the world it is difficult to find a job. It’s hardly what you know but who you know. I have applied to so many jobs and the only ones I have ever gotten in our state is ones where a friend works at the company. It’s unfortunate and difficult but widely known by outsiders that connections are needed. So another wonderful change was – a friend helped me get a job. We desperately needed a change in funds (we are technically living below the poverty line) as we have been assisted by relatives with keeping our heads above water. My husband and I are very independent people so you can imagine how mentally painful this is, as it’s been going on for a couple of years now. We now have hope that we may be able to support ourselves very soon and raise our standard of living. You can see though that there are definitely some contributors to the depression I mentioned in yesterday’s post.

Finally, with some hope giving me some wind in my wings – I have been trying to find myself again – and books were a huge part of that. My friends often would ask me for recommendations and so now I want to start an online book club on this blog. As I can’t buy books anymore, we have been living off of the library for books and videos. I have a challenge to read a book from each shelf (of the library)… so that I read a wide variety as I don’t like just reading one or two authors but discovering new ones. SO I hope you will enjoy this.

I also know getting out of the house is a big deal to help combat depression and plan on spending more time outdoors and being present with nature. So I plan on also incorporating this into this blog.

I do have physical energy now that it has been one year since the spleen shrinkage. SO I plan on taking advantage of this.

SO even though there have been some difficulties – I am either making changes where I can or finding my passions again.

If you feel stuck, I recommend taking inventory of what is working, what isn’t working, and what you can change and what you need to keep in your life.

There is a way to regain control.

What is stopping you?

I realize my goal to get more fit has come with some deeper insights into the negative thought processes of my mind. I wrote about some of this in yesterday’s blog. With the help of the words spoken to me from a young age, and my brain allowing myself to believe those words and replay them in my mind… there is just one phrase that pops into my head:

“You don’t deserve this!”

I don’t feel like I deserve success, and every time I make progress with becoming fitter, gaining muscle, losing excess weight there is a voice that says

“Don’t be silly, you don’t deserve to Achieve your goals”.

I had heard it said that people can have a fear of success.., and I would think

Everyone wants success, I don’t know who would be scared to succeed?

However, the negative thoughts in my head are a type of fear, and it is certainly a fear of success. I just was unaware that those words were exactly that – a fear.

Now that I am aware of that fear I am consciously embracing the fear and working on overcoming it.

The majority of what stops us from achieving our goals is fear… but in order for us to overcome it must first be recognized. Have you identified what fear is stopping you?

Good luck in achieving your goals!

What I can control…

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Well, I have hit reality today that I am suffering from my yearly struggle with the weather (here in Australia) turning from Spring into Summer. To be honest I REALLY don’t do well with the weather change. I’ll be fine when the heat evens out but right now it goes from rain to hot as hell and then cold rain again. My body just doesn’t adjust to such inconsistency.

However I am on a “getting fit” kick and I was frustrated with my health setback. I remembered that even though I was in extreme pain, that my doctor told me that for Continue reading “What I can control…”

Beginning Today

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Today is the day I start my journey to becoming more fit and the weight that I want to be.
It hit me that I have done this but given up because I don’t see the progress I have made. I was looking at other weight-loss stories and I saw a woman who said she was glad she took pictures because she didn’t think she had made progress even though she had lost 100 pounds. The pictures showed how obvious it was that she had lost weight but in her head she felt like she hadn’t made progress.
This is why I fully believe that as long as you don’t have any physical health problems Continue reading “Beginning Today”

Rare

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So I have been quiet lately because I have been quite upset thinking that I may need to go through another procedure. I have been undergoing test after test (I have another one next week) but thankfully the doctors have had a chat and decided that I would probably be best to be left alone.

I have a test scheduled next Thursday and my doctor mentioned that the results would be back in time for “the 19th”. I said “What happens on the 19th?” He says “oh we (and he mentioned some of the best doctors I know) have a fortnightly meeting…  (silence…) where we meet and discuss patients (silence….) like you…. (silence…) you probably have felt your years burning”.
Well… let just say I’m not sure where I am supposed to be in life as my life is constantly interrupted with my health surprises and abnormalities but I definitely feel like a super rare and valuable Pokemon collector card when it comes to doctors.

I nearly shared the story of having an ultrasound on the entry sight right after a procedure and the ultrasound technician said she needed a radiologist in the room to double check they have the scans they needed. As the radiologist came in he asked what I had gone through … I said “Spleenic Artery Aneurysm coiling”… he said “no, you must be mistaken what did you have?” so I said it again… Then he said “no, you must mean brain aneurysm or heart aneurysm?” before I could respond he said “WAIT!! You’re that girl!! I heard about you!!” suddenly there was 50 questions coming my way “How do you feel, can you feel the coiling? Do you know it’s there?” I couldn’t get a word in…

The funny thing is… I have felt quite frustrated in my life about all this health stuff… and yet… I have a little giggle to myself that if I am here for nothing else… at least I can be a medical “rarity”. I usually make it a mission to have the very serious doctors with a smile on their face or in laughter by the time I leave their room.

Today, I was quite relieved when told I did not need another procedure despite the findings (of yet again new internal strange things) – and my specialist who has seen me for at least 6 years said: “as usual, it’s always a pleasure to speak with you”. and I smiled and answered cheekily “I know”.

Hey… I got to be confident about something in life – if nothing else… The doctors who like a challenge – love me and talk about me often. That’s better than feeling sorry for yourself and not knowing why the heck you are still alive.

P.S. did a 5k walk on Sunday – with all the new energy I have from my 1/3 of my spleen dying. Have been walking a minimum of 5K every day and determined to feel healthy again no matter what is happening – also – it rained THE WHOLE TIME…
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Looking for something rare like rare Pokemon cards? Find them here

Distraction techniques

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I am tired of doctors – You know what I am talking about…

I have to undergo more tests in preparation for yet another procedure. I am usually pretty cool and calm about these types of things, but I find myself feeling depressed when I’m just asked for a blood test. I’m tired of being a human pin cushion, and not making decisions about my own body.

How am I coping? Distraction. Yes – sometimes when Reality gets too much (and it does) that sometimes it’s best to temporarily distract yourself.  I rarely use this method but I am trying to put my effort and thoughts into anything else but upcoming tests to help my anxiety. Thursday This week is a day procedure in seeing what may or may not need to be done.

Here have been some distraction techniques

  1. reading a book on anything else – especially ones on future goals that help me look at the “long term” goals instead of short term. One of my specifics is reading The Barefoot Investor by Scott Pape. Why? Well we need a way to save every penny we can.
  2. Engaging with my children – this is delightful and distracting and EDUCATIONAL. I usually have them read to me or we make quizzes or play games. It’s the best.
  3. Yesterday I went on a walk on a beautiful mountain with my sisters. I let them do most of the talking – it was nice hearing about their lives.
  4. cleaning

Please add to my list – what are  your distraction techniques?
Hope you are having a better week than me!