Why I’m not going to treat you like a victim…

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So I’m sure you know from experience by now that life isn’t easy. The Scottish author Ian Maclaren (aka Rev John Watson), is known for his words “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”.

Some of us have been through difficult trauma and life-altering circumstances. We need to own these feelings that are a result of that trauma. We need to express them somehow. Holding it in makes it worse. As Maya Angelou says “there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you”. We sometimes are under the impression we must convey that we are “fine” all the time. Why? Because not being fine makes others uncomfortable and how dare we make others feel comfortable with our truth, and our feelings right? So we bottle in those emotions and feelings in. Not to be extreme but harboring those emotions can lead to an early death.

If you have trouble opening up… writing your feelings in a journal helps to process them. Either way, in order get through the effects of trauma – we HAVE TO, we MUST talk about our feelings and own them and not feel guilty about them.

The problem is, I’ve seen people respond to these situations by treating the victim, like a victim for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. Treating people (or even yourself) as a victim robs people of the feeling of having control over their lives. Yes, something out of your control happened to you, but you actually have a choice to not let this moment of trauma define and control you. However I want to be clear, people cannot get through trauma until they are at a point where they have owned their feelings about it first. Otherwise it never goes away.

Being a victim should be temporary. The state of having a victim mentality can last forever. The victim becomes prisoner to a traumatic event and victim mentality leads to worse situations down the road which cause a greater ripple effect of others getting hurt.

If you are a parent – it is VITAL that you empathize with your child over something that is unfair, or painful that has happened to them, but it is NECESSARY to give them tools to help work through those emotions, and help them be free of the pain by encouraging resilience. If this means that you too need to learn how to get out of your own victimhood, then getting help for yourself first may be the first step in being a better parent. If you yourself do not have the tools to work through your own emotions and demonstrate resilience – there is no way you can help your own children in this area.

There is a lot more to this, more than can be written in a blog but a lot of hurt that is being done in the world are people who not only have been victims, but have been encouraged to see themselves as victims or have not received the support needed to show them that they can learn to move on and be resilient.

Hope your week has been amazing!

For more resources on this subject click here.

 

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