With a difficult situation coming up with a risky procedure there have been a lot of thoughts that have gone through my head. Unless I lived with my head in the sand, I’ve had to think about death.
It also makes me think about maybe my limited energy I have to give in this world. This has made me stop and think very clearly about friendships and “friendships”.
I have always been told that you catch more bees with honey, that you are to turn the other cheek and all of these proverbs and scriptures in the Bible. I honestly believe they are they right way to live – but I have thought about these things in a different way.
I really can’t keep putting out energy to people that have made it quite clear that they can’t even treat me with respect or honesty. Yes I can forgive them but is it Christian to think that it is my duty continue kindness to those that have made it quite clear they don’t care for it or value it?
Being Christian doesn’t mean you have to be everyone’s friend. You do practice kindness to those that don’t deserve it, but you don’t have to push energy you don’t have into something that is stale and lacking growth. You have shown you are willing to be kind once – it doesn’t mean you have to be the one to keep making the effort over and over again.
This is a major thing I am letting go. I am not caring to impress you, or to gain your friendship or to keep proving my kindness. I’ve been there and done that. If you don’t know what I am willing to offer by now, I can’t keep acting like you’ll suddenly value or respect me as an individual.
Quite frankly – I’m done with that. Being Christian doesn’t mean you go seek the people who are known liars, or gossipers and put yourself in their crowd to show them how nice you are. You can be perfectly kind from a distance.
The funny thing is, I have done a little experiment lately on who really would put effort into my friendship. I have been known to be a big conversationalist and happy to walk up to anyone – but now I sit there – waiting to see if anyone would make the effort to come talk to me. It’s been interesting too see who will make the effort when I don’t. A lot less people make the effort for me than I have made for them in the past.
I’m okay with that. I’d rather know who to spend my energy on then to waste whatever little energy I have on those that don’t care anyway. It’s been disappointing and refreshing, and freeing.
I have freed myself from an expectation of “being everyone’s friend” to focusing on those that value me back. It’s a good feeling.
Hope you know who your friends really are!