So I got caught up in some deep conversations today. Which was strange as I was feeling particularly unsocial (which isn’t like me). A beautiful person in my life who loves when I am just plain honest asked me over and I warned her I didn’t want to talk. She got out a puzzle for me to concentrate on in case I still decided not to talk. After a rant for a good 30 minutes to her about how I felt angry that I had no control over my life I was finally able to settle. I was completely aware that this is not for everyone – That this could have been an overwhelming situation for most. She laughed though… she says “I love it when you get angry because you get the ‘southern accent’ out”.
This is funny because I spent a whole 18 months of my life (as I was born there) in the south – Louisiana. So I have no clue where this southern accent comes from but when I’m angry, it comes out. She laughed (as this beautiful soul is from Texas) and said “you are making me feel like home” (In case you have missed it, I live in Australia – and she does too, two women ‘originally’ from the south in another country).
Anyway we got to have a heart to heart about some really painful things that we had never discussed and was able to deal with some Trauma we both experienced.
When I left, I ran into someone else who had discussed the physical affect of Trauma. How they had been having Panic attacks and had been getting them treated. Apparently there is something in your brain that can associate non-trauma events with traumatic feelings and cause panic attacks.
I discussed how, although not having experienced panic attacks that often – that I found out that when I sought help for my pain after being dragged by a car… that my whole body seemed like a brick. I could barely move months afterward. When I talked to the Physio he had said that if you have experienced physical pain before, that muscle has memory – and even though I hadn’t injured those particular muscles, ALL your muscles can lock up in a defensive position in reaction to one part of the body having trauma.
This fascinated me because I thought if this is true with muscles – how much more could it apply to the brain?
Someone once said that you have a “replay tape” of all the negative things that you have heard or experienced in your head. When you go through emotional trauma that it can be a natural thing to go to this “replay tape” of negative experiences and words.
I know my natural replay saying to myself is that I am a burden. This has been in my head for years, and as soon as I have a negative encounter, I can brush it off – initially – but these words come in my head “Jenny you are a burden”, and I replay reasons why that is true. Is this my brain’s way of handling emotional trauma?
There are methods to letting this “replay tape” change. Psychologists can help, there are videos on the web of tapping or changing your thought. Anything is possible – which I think is demonstrated in the book The Brain that changes itself by Norman Doidge. I highly recommend this book as it gives you the understanding that anything is possible with the brain and changing your thinking and your body.
It’s time to change that tape on replay. Force it to say affirmations (that takes work) over the usual sayings (that it is used to). The weekend is so close I can feel it.