So I realize that I have not discussed what surgery I am going to go through and the details about it. I have told myself that it is because I am a private person which is kind of funny being that I have started this blog that requires me to be open about my life.
After further thought, I realized it was because the less detail I give, the less real it seems. I can talk “around” it. I realized this was my real “issue”, when a friend of mine who is being treated for Breast Cancer mentioned she does not like to call it Cancer but calls it “Bob”. She explains how this has made it “less scary”.
I am not someone who does that unless I feel like the person I am talking to is overwhelmed with how direct I can be about the numerous intense experiences I have in my life. Then I either, don’t tell them, or “soften it down”. But blogging has been a way for me to be direct, and if readers do not like it, they don’t have to keep reading – it’s that simple. I get that I have gone through some pretty intense situations from a young age and sometimes that is too much for people to hear and it simply isn’t personal if people would prefer not to hear it.
However with opening up about my situations I have encouraged others to be more open about some things that they had difficulty talking about – and for me, that makes it worth it.
I remember visiting a friend 4 years ago after a situation where her leg was crushed while riding her horse. Some people nearly turned white because they were unable to stomach seeing her leg when they walked into her room. I guess with my surgical history and the fact that I chose Premed when I was younger because I so desperately wanted to be a surgeon, these things don’t bother me. Also the fact that I had had several experiences with hospitals myself – that walking into one almost feels like a second home.
The doctors had to keep my friend’s leg “open” in order to drain the excess fluid that kept going to her leg. I walked in to her room and I saw the amazing technology keeping her leg drained and and saw all the muscles and I said “OH THAT IS SO COOL!” A woman who was visiting her nudged me like I had said something offensive. My eyes opened wide (the last thing I would want to do is offend a patient in the hospital, let alone my friend), and I looked at my friend and mouthed the word “sorry”.
She told me later (after the woman left) that my reaction helped her “face” her leg. That she had refused to look at her leg until I walked in. I realize though, had it not been for how direct I was about the subject and unafraid to discuss a situation which obviously made others in the room uncomfortable – she may have taken longer (if at all) to look at her leg, and face reality. She explained how that day changed the way she looked at her situation.
So with that – I’m working on being direct about the next weeks to come, and surgery. I don’t function very well skirting around topics. Which is probably why I write this blog.