Overwhelmed

pexels-photo-247314.jpegSo as per my last blog post, I have recently found out that I have some difficult decisions to make about a surgery coming up and I was feeling quite concerned about telling my friends who know I would be a “High Risk” patient with this particular surgery.

And then I awoke to find a message from a friend who has three small children, who has finally revealed to her friends that she has an aggressive stage 3 cancer. This person has a special place in my heart as she allowed me to message her at 3am during a crisis 15 months ago, and so I find it heartbreaking.

Several years ago when I was going through a different health issue I explained to a friend how I felt alone with what I was going through and how I felt like a burden to my closest friends and family because of the stress of my illness and she suggested I start a blog. At the time I rolled my eyes but as the years passed I started thinking I wanted to start a blog and to specifically not bring up health issues. It’s funny because over 2 weeks after FINALLY starting a blog, I again am told I have a NEW major problem. I thought it was because of all my other weird health conditions – but the doctor assured me that this condition has “nothing to do with anything else I have ever had”.
I did tell a family member today about this –  and she said “WHAT??” I said “I know, I thought it might have been a domino affect”, and I started laughing about how crazy my life has been from the moment I was born. She said “I’m glad you are laughing!!” I responded with “I have no choice.”

I told her that when the doctor told me this was something completely different from “all the others” all I thought was “God, You and me got some talking to do”. How on earth have I made it this far? Seriously… So many close calls and another risky situation with no explanation and I just shake my head and I can ONLY laugh. In a way sometimes I feel like I’m the joke.

Then I ran across a comment online on social media in which I followed up with that person’s story and found a woman who is in stage 4 cancer – no hope – and 2 small children. This woman I don’t know, really upset me because I sit here and think – “I still have a chance and she doesn’t.” This means I MUST choose not to feel sorry for myself.  With all the close calls I’ve had in the past – I’m still here!! I’m still alive! I cannot give up now.

There are so many people in my thoughts, I know so many people going through their own personal hell, and it is overwhelming but miracles happen, I know this because my life has been one big miracle. So.. I can sit here and think I’m the joke, or I can sit here and think I’m the miracle. I guess I still have the chance to choose. Keep moving Forward!

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