There is something that I have put up with for way too long. It was deceptive because I felt like I was doing a good thing.
There was someone who was consistently having outbursts of yelling, or snapping at me. Who would criticize me or my friends, and if I ever brought up anything about it they would practically have a meltdown or even have no memory of the outburst or reaction. So most of the time I never took it personally, I told myself that the person had no idea what they were doing and that I could put up with it in order to be a friend to that person.
After many years, it has taken me until now to understand that even though “I could handle it’, it wasn’t fair on them. This is not just a bad deal for me (even though again, I could handle it and not let it affect me that much), but I realize that over time, this has hurt that person. I recognize that that person has become so used to this behavior that they treat others this way without realizing it, and they are unable to recognize the wrongness of their behavior.
It has been painful but I have had to take a step back. I love them very much and enjoy their company most of the time when we get together, but in order for them to change for the better, I no longer can allow myself to be a “place of blame” for them. I am hoping that all the people who have become a “place of blame” for this person can remove themselves for a short while, long enough for this person to actually have no one else to blame but themselves – so they can finally break their own habit. I’m not sure if this is the correct way to go about things, but I know that to continue to allow myself to be a source to incorrectly blame within their lives is not fair for them and their growth.
With that, I have to actively look for places to draw positive energy from in order to build up strength to resist this cycle. Good books, beautiful conversations, and time with nature.
Here’s a few books I recommend if you need some good vibes:
Keep Going. Hope you have a great week and stay strong.