You are not a victim! 3 sentences to help you stay resilient.

I have wanted to scream this lately at quite a few people – some even in the media. You are not a victim! It’s one thing to hurt and pain over a situation but what does it mean to identify as a victim throughout your life?pexels-photo-278312.jpeg

Right now the world seems intent to convincing you that you are a victim. I have noticed people I know and love going down a the victimhood track and it’s disturbing.

Here are some major reasons and motivations into changing your mentality. What happens when you tell yourself you are a victim?

  1. It emphasizes your lack of control of your situation and takes away your power.
  2. It gives you an OUT in taking responsibility of the present and the future. This gives you a pathway to behaving however you want because “you are a victim so that makes it okay”, AND possibly even allows you to become the bully.
  3. It gives you an incorrect and tainted perspective and prevents you from looking and examining things fairly – especially who you are and how you treat others.
  4. It stops you from feeling empathy – proper empathy, because your victimhood will be what will cloud your emotions. IF someone goes through a difficult situation – you will somehow make it about you. Their issue has made things worse FOR YOU. It’s kind of messed up.
  5. It causes us to over exaggerate what we have done for others and under exaggerate what others have done for us. We lose our thankfulness and become ungrateful.
  6. Children notice.

The sad thing is, if we are thinking this way, and have children, we are teaching them to be victims too. Victims turn into bullies and get away with things because their parent/s are constantly seeing them as a victim and not seeing clearly what their child is doing to others. Children pick up on this. Children know that you wont see them as doing any wrong because they know you make excuses for them because you see them as the victim. Children will use this to their advantage. I’m not kidding. What is worse is that this victimhood mentality will limit their potential if they start believing it.

Not all victims are bullies – because we have all been victims and it’s okay to acknowledge the pain we feel in those situations, but when being a victim is a chronic way of thinking, we are shortchanging ourselves and what we can accomplish.

I have a few close friends who have had painful situations involving a parent when they were growing up. They got through it because of the other parent in their life teaching them resilience. Harvard has published some amazing papers on teaching children resilience – and resilience should be a major foundational goal for each child. To do this, an adult in their life must be an example of resilience. If you are constantly acting like you are a victim, then they will become that victim or bully and never learn the mental muscle of resilience.

I am still working on this myself to be honest. I get in an occasional rut where I tell myself how I have such a difficult life or situation that I am in and “poor me”, but the best way I have learnt how to deal with myself and to teach my children is these three sayings:

  1. This situation isn’t forever.
  2. There is a way through this.
  3. You have the skills to handle this.strength

I then ask these two questions: Can you change things? If you can’t, what do you need to do for yourself in order to get through this problem?

Stay resilient.

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